when demi lovato said 'I'm a black belt when I'm beating up on myself, But I'm an expert at giving love to somebody else', i remember thinking, damn thats me!!
i don't think i'm the only one who feels like they're swinging on an endless pendulum between self-love and self-criticism. some days i remember to be kind to myself (a real gem of a day); but more often than not, my default narrative is very harsh (cue: i've done nothing all day, im so lazy, i never get anything done, why the heck am i checking the fridge for the 5th time this hour, it's already been a week since i said i was gonna 'get my life together' etc. etc.)
i guess im just scared that if i become too nice to myself, then i'll just 'let myself go'. does anyone else feel this way? why is it so much easier to just talk trash to myself than to be nice?
i dont' know. will self-love eventually come with age? will it come with practice? people talk about changing mindsets and reframing the way we think of ourselves. but after 20+ years, my old thought-patterns feel like an indomitable neuronal pathway has rooted itself deep into my brain.
maybe i'll just start by NOT criticising myself for being bad at self-love. thats a good first step right?
